The Fantasy Fair Flecha Fiasco

“Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.” ~ C. E. Stowe

There are some gray areas in copyright, especially as we navigate from physical to virtual goods in an ever-growing landscape that merges the two. The law, at least here in the US, hasn’t kept up and is still largely held hostage by media companies. The result is a populace that has little respect for copyright in the smaller areas, like our virtual playground of SL. We roll our eyes at the letter of the law because, while most of us accept it to be legal, we don’t accept it to be fair. So, when a BSG RP SIM gets wiped out because Universal was all pissy with them, it feels unfair. You can search the marketplace any day of the week and find a thousand items that violate copyright in a manner that most of us would shrug off.

There is also the fact that like Hannibal Lector teaches about the nature of coveting, creators are often inspired by what we see every day. My friend, Sax Shepherd, is an artist and illustrator with over fifty years of experience who has only recently gotten the 3D modeling bug. Illustrators, especially from his walk of life, use reference for most of their craft. They don’t pull a girl out of their imagination; they use real models wearing real things, sitting on real sofas. Watch any documentary about Disney or Pixar artists and you’ll be treated to glimpses into the creative process that includes field trips and models. But of course, you can’t copyright nature and with very few exceptions, you can’t copyright the human body, or ancient buildings.

So, when Sax made a replica of Xaro Xhoan Daxos key amulet from Game of Thrones Season Two, my first response was “that is so cool!”

SSD ~ Daxos Key Pendant

SSD ~ Daxos Key Pendant

His original intention was to give the necklace away as part of the hunt at Fantasy Fair. However, when he filled out the application for Fantasy Fair, it specifically said that no copyright-infringing items were allowed at Fantasy Fair. The more I talked to him about it, the more we decided that as cool as I felt the item was, it walked that gray area of copyright, and it wasn’t worth putting a blemish on an RFL event. Both Sax and I, having worked with charities IRL, understand that when you do something associated with a charity, you always err on the side of caution and integrity.

He made a new amulet and that is his official contribution to the Fantasy Fair Key of Hope Hunt.

SSD Celtic Axe Amulet Display Ad

SSD Celtic Axe Amulet Display Ad

I could write an entire post on nothing but the complications of copyright between fashion and jewelry and what the entertainment industries have been able to do to copyright law and the US Constitution. I could write another one about how working with or for a charity obligates people to behave with a higher standard. And I am so tired about writing on how so much of Second Life fails to meet minimum standards of integrity. It’s depressing. But it’s real.

Because I was helping Sax with Fantasy Fair (despite my dislike of location-based events, I help friends when they ask) I got to slip in a day before it started and visit the stores and builds. I visited every single shop that was set up, which was most of them. A handful of big names, like Wasabi Pills weren’t set up until the last minute, but for the most part I was able to walk all the builds in a nice, no-laggy couple of hours. I ignored those big wall o’ vendor stores who feel like they have to include their entire inventory Bare Rose style into the fair, but I have to say I didn’t see any blatant copyright infringing content, except at one store.

When I entered Flecha on the Lotus Valley Dream Sim I was shocked at the gall on display. Not only were there Skyrim weapons for sale, but two of the vendors boldly declared they were selling Game of Thrones branded items with the official GOT logo on them (the actual logo, ffs). I only knew the name Flecha because I had purchased an item from them when building previously. They had seemed harmless enough, but what I saw at the Fantasy Fair pissed me off. It’s one thing to be so blatant at your own store (and I have no desire to try and police the grid); it’s another thing to drag obviously ripped content to a charity event.

I immediately contacted a mod from Fantasy Fair and continued my exploration. I assumed that since the application for Fantasy Fair had included a no tolerance statement regarding copyright infringement, that was all I needed to do. However, a few hours later when I was done exploring and came back to check, not only was the content still there, the door still open, but a blogger with advance day access to the event was purchasing Skyrim ripped weapons. I IMed her and explained what she was purchasing and her response was basically “Oh well, I’ll just retexture them a little myself.”

There is not enough facepalm in the world.

So I contacted another official from Fantasy Fair. I don’t want to paste names because I really do understand that, regardless of my personal feelings about these events, the people who organize RFL genuinely seem to want to raise money for charity. Yes, there is a lot of ridiculous ego games tangled up in that, but whatever. Here is the conversation I had with the second RFL official:

[02:58] Salome Strangelove: Hi. I have an icky issue I told YYY about earlier. There’s a store here selling very blatantly content from skyrim, but the store is still open.
[02:58] Salome Strangelove: I’m not sure if he didn’t know what to do or what the deal is. Can you advise who I should contact?
[03:07] XXX: Ah, yes. YYY talked to me about it and showed me the pictures online of the content from the game. I agree that there are serious concerns there. I have to get in touch with the owner myself before we open. Its a slippery slope to be sure. We ignore it and we’re vulnerable. We remove the items and we’re vulnerable too. lacking any investigative mechanisms, any actions on our part could constitute libel. My plan is to ask that he remove the RFL vendor he has out with the sword in it. That way, at least there is no argument to be made that RFL is in anyway benefiting from sale of the item.
[03:08] Salome Strangelove: They’re selling the items full perm at the RFL event. I don’t see anyway that doesn’t cause problems.
[03:11] XXX: Its not that it isn’t potentially a problem.
[03:15] XXX: And maybe I should just kick him out. According to 6 people in the last 5 hours everything in the shop is in one way or another questionable. So am I to spend the next 9 days investigating these claims? Or do I boot him out without any kind of due process? That could make me personally liable for slander, because punitive action is an assessment of guilt and again, we have no means to asses that at all. None of which is to say that we should take no action at all, but rather to say that I am taking my time in dealing with it because no matter what we do there will be a price to pay.
[03:16] Salome Strangelove: RFL is a private event. You are not responsible unless you go around calling him names.
[03:18] Salome Strangelove: You can easily say something like “It has come to our attention that there is an unavoidable similarity between many of your items and those featured in content from other games. In order to avoid any controversy that may reflect on RFL we are returning your items and your donation. We invite you to join an event in the future without the items in question. Thank you.”
[03:20] Salome Strangelove: I don’t like being this person. I’d rather not have seen it. And I’m sure it’s the last thing you want to deal with, but the submission rules for RFL include warning about copyright content, etc. Either that means something or it doesn’t.
[03:21] Salome Strangelove: This isn’t someone who was inspired by something they saw in a film or a magazine, these are obviously the game textures
[03:22] Salome Strangelove: I don’t want to harass you all night. I know you’ve all worked hard and you want to enjoy the opening. So I’ll leave this here.
[03:22] Salome Strangelove: But I think it would be disappointing to allow this person to sell obviously stolen wares at an event that is not only for RFL, but a key event showcasing original creators in SL. Have a good night.
[03:23] XXX: I never said we were not going to act. I just wanted to explain why we have not acted yet.
(The above has been edited for brevity and to remove anything that might be inappropriate outside of a private conversation. I also corrected our mutual spelling errors. It was late.)

I left the issue there. In part because I’m tired of issues like this. I’m tired of feeling like I have to educate people about their misconceptions. I’m tired of the ridiculous threats from anonymous sources, the cowardice of people who know better but don’t dare say so, and the ineffective tools we have to use our common sense and hold people accountable when they do things that go outside of any gray area into the realm of “obviously this is a fucking problem.” I can blame Linden Lab all day, and I do, to some extent, but the fact is that we, the residents of SL, have created an environment that enables situations like this.

I kind of understand why. When I blogged and communicated about the Gala Phoenix issue, I dealt with the lowest of the low of the Second Life “community.” And frankly, I just don’t want to deal with that particular flavor of pathetic anymore. I kept doing it because I knew that no matter how tired I was of the issue or how frustrated I was with the nastiness directed at me, it wasn’t a teaspoon full of what Gala was facing. Backing down or going silent because someone on the interwebs called me a bad name or threatened me seemed like a poor excuse when someone else was suffering the loss of their income, the theft of their personal art, and the judgement of those people in the SL sphere who feel they always have the right to co-opt the tragedy of others for their own entertainment.

So, yes, maybe it was cowardice, but I didn’t want to suit up for another round of listening to a bunch of idiots claim we have to pretend there isn’t a problem unless a court of law says so. I was just going to let it go. Then I logged onto SL the other night and the Fantasy Fair group chat popped onto my screen with the following:

[2013/04/25 03:13] XYZ: I think people need to realise that SL is a reflection of much out of world – there are MANY brands, shows and games that we pay homage to in this world. Please don’t let the words of only one person spoil how you see SL. We are a family and as such stand together. XXX has made excellent points and I hope that the individuals out there who complain might take a moment to consider them carefully before making more unfounded accusations.
[2013/04/25 03:13] ABC: I’m not disagreeing. But when they look almost identical it gets hard to draw the line between what’s ripped and what isn’t. That’s all I’m saying. Its an honest mistake that should be sorted out between two people rather than causing drama during a good cause. She shouldn’t have said what she said without giving Flecha a fair chance to stand up for themselves.

This made my blood boil. The XYZ above isn’t just some random person, it’s someone officially linked to RFL Fantasy Fair. So basically in an open group chat, we have an official of Fantasy Fair calling the accusations “unfounded” and a toady following up saying how Flecha didn’t get a fair chance to stand up for themselves. The “She” they are referring to is the Blogging Elf who posted a really mild blog post of the issue. Of course, because people who take things that don’t belong to them are shameless by their very nature, Flecha Warwillow and all his/her apologists came tramping in.

I just couldn’t let it pass.

[2013/04/25 03:15] Salome Strangelove: The Fletcha stuff was obviously taken from Skyrim. There was no gray area.
[2013/04/25 03:15] Salome Strangelove: If they came by it by accident, it should still not be at the fair.
[2013/04/25 03:15] XYZ: Please don’t use this forum for accusations
[2013/04/25 03:16] AAA: Salome, NO
[2013/04/25 03:17] BBB: OKAY… I think we have beaten this discussion, please this is not what backstage is for
[2013/04/25 03:18] XYZ: MANY people use games, movies, etc for inspiration – you can NOT be sure of the source of someone’s builds so it is NOT our, nor your, role to make such accusations. If anyone has any concerns with anything take them through the normal SL channels. We sent out a notecard to the group a few days ago in relation to this – please re-read it and this will be the end of the discussion in this group.
[2013/04/25 03:18] AAA: he uses a picture, to make the sculpt and the texture, a picture, he doesnt steal nothing. the idea comes from Skyrim? Yes, but is not stolen.. Is the thing i explained before, i can make an outfit inspired in WOW and look exaclty (i couldnt even if i wanted cause im not so good) But that doesnt mean is ripped. And well my last word. But is really easy to make some picts and say “Ohh this is a shit, oh this is ripped” and yes, the easier thing is to make some pictures and say some things in a blog..the difficult thing is creating here. My last word and opinion,
[2013/04/25 03:20] XYZ: Please read the attached notecard and feel free to pass it on as necessary.
[2013/04/25 03:21] Salome Strangelove: If you’re going to order someone to stop talking about a topic, then you should stop all conversation.
[2013/04/25 03:22] XYZ: Conversation is now stopped. Please discuss other things … like ummm CHOCOLATE!
[2013/04/25 03:22] BBB: I want chocolate!!!
[2013/04/25 03:22] XYZ: What are your favourite brands of chocolates?
[2013/04/25 03:22] CCC: perks chocolate!!!

I have no idea how long this conversation went on before I logged in. Remember, XYZ is an official from the RLF Fantasy Fair. It was okay for them to DEFEND Flecha and talk about how inappropriate the Blogging Elf was in group chat. But when they’re presented with the opposing viewpoint, the “no discussing this topic” line is slammed down. And then it’s all “la la la, what about chocolate.”

The Blogging Elf is the person using words to spoil people’s SL. Going against the “family.” The Blogging Elf “shouldn’t have said what she said” on her own blog. That was the conversation that was going on when I logged in. But speaking the obvious truth about Flecha’s behavior was out of bounds.

Just. Fuck.

So, here are the images I took of the Skyrim content IN THE FLECHA FANTASY FAIR STORE (which has been removed):


Flecha Glass Weapons @ Fantasy Fair

Flecha Glass Weapons @ Fantasy Fair

Dragon Plate Shield @ Flecha Fantasy Fair

Dragon Plate Shield @ Flecha Fantasy Fair

Elven Sheild @ Flecha Fantasy Fair

Elven Sheild @ Flecha Fantasy Fair


And here are the Skyrim counterparts:
Dragon Plate Shield
Glass War Axe
Glass Battle Axe
Elven Sheild

There were plenty more, but those were the only ones I photographed personally.

Flecha maintains that they simply re-created the items meticulously. Because, apparently, the fact that we can’t do anything about this sort of thing means we all have to pretend to be stupid. Oh, did I mention that Flecha removed a How-To video from their YouTube that showed a folder on their desktop called “Copybot” and the “Incognito” program (Incognito is a viewer used to rip content)?

Flecha’s side of the story has been pretty well dismantled by Ryker Beck and Damien Fate in the Blogging Elf comments section. The Blogging Elf also offered an apology which I have sympathy for. I’m sure it’s hard to feel like you’re betraying the SL “family” and bad mouthing cancer patients when that’s what people throw at you.

None of this is something that we can use to remove Flecha from the grid, or take legal action against them. Those are very real limitations with their own due process for good reason. But it should have been more than enough to make it clear they had no business at an RFL charity event where just the semblance of impropriety should have dictated their removal.

So far, all of this is regarding things that have been taken from outside sources. (BTW, while the Skyrim weapons have been removed from Fantasy Fair, the Game of Thrones items which have the GOT logo are still there. Because…why?)

Most people will just ignore things like this that come from outside SL. But people with no shame who take the work of others don’t draw the same lines we do. Knowing this, my friend Vivienne Graves and I went through Flecha’s marketplace store, where we found this sofa. The arms looked really familiar to me, so I bought it.

And guess what…

Cel Edman is one of my favorite creators in SL. He sells full perm kits for builders like me who aren’t 3D modelers, but who like to assemble and play. He did so with sculpts and continues to do so with mesh. Like Logan Bauer of Arctic Greenhouse, he deals with too many people that abuse his good faith and try to resell his work as their own.

It’s not enough for some people that creators like Cel and Logan allow us to make our own creations out of their elements and resell them. Cel’s SFT Pack has been around for years and I’ve used pieces of it countless times. I’ve retextured the sculpts so much I know their patterns by heart.

So, I took the sample sofa from Flecha and dropped two sculpts from Cel’s SFT pack onto the prims. I didn’t change the sizes, or adjust the textures. Here is what it looks like:

Cel vs Flecha - Sofa

Cel vs Flecha – Sofa

Here’s a close-up of the arms:

Cel vs Flecha - Sofa Arms

Cel vs Flecha – Sofa Arms

Here’s the cushions with no texture, full shiny:


Cel vs Flecha - Shiny Cushions

Cel vs Flecha – Shiny Cushions


And, just for giggles, here’s one of the Flecha sculpt maps side by side with one of Cel’s:


Cel vs Flecha - Sculpt Map

Cel vs Flecha – Sculpt Map


When you remove Cel’s sculpts you get a pair of prims that are hideously shoved together to form the base and back of the sofa. It’s something no one that created their own sculpts would have made, and obviously just lazily done to reuse something not intended for this purpose.

Flecha Sofa - WTF

Flecha Sofa – WTF

I went through all Cel’s packs and couldn’t find them, but knew it looked familiar. Viv theorized they had re-purposed a prim from one of their other full perm items. She was familiar with it because of a friend of hers has purchased the full perm sculpts from Brookston Holiday a while back. Brookston doesn’t appear to be active anymore and their Marketplace items seem to be deactivated due to the retirement of Magic Boxes. All that remains of the listing is this image of the full perm couch set, although the chair version of that set was featured in a blog post.

We got a sofa from a friend who had purchased the Brookston Holiday set to sell sofas in their own non-transfer creations. Here’s what the prims look like side by side with the Flecha texture on them:

flechasofa_011

flechasofa_007

I’m sure if I wanted to spend all my nights tracking down were Flecha “drew inspiration” for all their items, I could. People with no creativity who lift from others are just not all that smart and they’re usually pretty lazy.

Cel had this to say in the Blogging Elf comments section.

After the Curio situation nothing surprises me anymore. The boldness with which people will take things and abuse those who dare hold them accountable can’t shock me anymore. What does disappoint me is that instead of removing Flecha from the fair, the officials of Fantasy Fair decided, for reasons I cannot fathom, to all but support Flecha. Not to remove them. Not to remain neutral. To openly call the evidence against them “unfounded accusations” and shout down those of us who refuse to pretend common sense doesn’t exist.

In the real world people of integrity who organize for charity do whatever they can to avoid even the semblance of scandal that might be tied to the organization they represent. People who support those charities err on the side of what’s best for the reputations of the events and the purpose at hand. When shoved between a rock and hard place, they at least try to maintain full neutrality. Full neutrality is the bare minimums. Period. And full neutrality doesn’t mean a half-assed “no more talking about this” notecard while officials voice their own opinions in group chat. FFS.

I don’t expect anyone from RFL to waste time trying to fight copyright issues. I can’t call them lazy because regardless of what I feel about their efforts, I know it’s a lot of work. I honestly don’t know what to make of it. It’s just such amateur behavior I have to assume these are people without any understanding of their positions. And that’s so often the case in Second Life. People who feel if they work hard on what they think they’re supposed to do, they will get their pats on the back and ego rewards and they can just skip all the tedious responsibilities that come with those roles.

For the record, the rallying cry around this issue should have been “While we can’t prove anything for certain, the reputation of Fantasy Fair and RFL are the most important thing and we cannot allow for even the possibility of seeming to support copyright infringement.” A softly worded version of that could have been sent to Flecha before the fair opened and this whole issue could have been avoided. It would have never made it into the public eye. If they had any integrity whatsoever, Flecha would have volunteered to remove their store once they were confronted for the simple purpose of allowing the event to pass untainted.

Of course that’s not what happened. Is it? Instead we get the passive-aggressive bullshit two-step about how hard people work for RFL and how it’s disrespectful to cancer patients to point out problems like these.

Because the artists who work for Bethesda don’t work hard. And neither did Cel Edman, or the graphics designers for Game of Thrones. None of those people work hard. Only people who organize events for RFL in Second Life work hard. Their time and effort is all we’re supposed to respect. And if you disagree with that, you’re being disrespectful to cancer patients, ruining other people’s SL and going against “the family.”

You know what’s actually disrespectful to cancer patients? Allowing something like this to happen at an event taking place in their name and turning a blind eye, or worse – supporting the person responsible instead of those trying to do what’s right. Using their sickness to guilt others into silence. Standing behind RFL as a shield instead of standing in front of it to shield the cause and all it represents. That is disrespectful.

If you bought anything from Flecha Warwillow at the Fantasy Fair I hope you’ll demand your money back and donate it directly to RFL. And if you’re one of those people trying to convince the rest of us to abandon common sense and pretend that we don’t know what’s in front of our faces, I hope that there are still people like me around when your hard work is taken by some jerk who thinks they can get away with it just because no one can hold them accountable.

Here’s a novel idea: when you find yourself on the wrong side of an issue, recognize it and do better instead of digging in and making it worse. People will forgive mistakes. Not all of them, but most. Putting your ego in front of your purpose will never make the world a better place.

This kind of “I cannot be found wrong, no matter what” posturing is what creates these ridiculous battleground cliques in SL where Camp A hates Person X because they pointed out their buddy was doing something wrong. So Person X doesn’t get to play their reindeer games. The result is the entrenched buddy system that leads to the same people being showcased over and over with all their gray areas airbrushed and ignored.

No matter how much you talk about chocolate and pretend it’s not so, you can’t make all of us ignore reality.

And the fact remains that all of this — all of it — was unnecessary.

Do fucking better and stop blaming the messengers.

Posted in Bombastastic, Second Life, SL - Building, SL - Business, SL - Shopping, SL - Social Dysfunction, Virtual Living | 4 Comments

“Winter Has Been Coming For Sixteen Fucking Years”

“The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.” ~ Stephen King, The Gunslinger

This made me laugh so hard I hurt. I understand the nerd rage behind this video more than I’d like to admit. There is an odd sort of irritation that I feel when someone “discovers” a saga only once it’s completed or popular. I know it’s lame, but I do.

“Winter has been coming for sixteen fucking years.” Yes, it fucking has.

Then again, I also think GOT can be crybabies; Dark Tower survivors had it worse. Our guy got hit by a car in the middle of our saga and announced his retirement twice before it was all over.

Stephen King ended Dark Tower III : The Wastelands on a cliffhanger, which is pretty much the cruelest thing you can do to a fan base. He made us wait six years (SIX YEARS!) for Wizard and Glass and then another six years for Wolves of Calla. Like all saga fans, I was in an abusive relationship with a fantasy writer. Tower heads didn’t get an “ending” until 2004 and what passed for an ending (while I consider it apt) broke my fucking heart. Keep in mind the series itself actually began in 1982 (well, 1978 if you begin counting with the short stories). Over twenty two years of my life, from the time I was about ten years old, just to be left shattered.

And today some one can pick up The Gunslinger and read through to the end all in one shot.

Fuck them.

Posted in Geekelicious, RL - Entertainment, Teh Funny | 1 Comment

Do Not Pass Go

“This used to be my playground
This used to be our pride and joy
This used to be the place we ran to
That no one in the world could dare destroy”
~ Madonna and Shep Pettibone

There is an odd sort of emancipation that comes from not caring about something anymore. It’s both sad and freeing. Sometimes, it leads to mistakes, but it’s worth considering if those mistakes are acts of the subconscious willfully moving through you.

As tends to happen, I have been ill recently, which is the main reason for my absence from this blog and SL in general. It’s the main reason, but not the only reason. Distance lends a certain perspective to things that otherwise are shuffled into the mix. In truth, I just haven’t wanted to be here or in SL and being ill just made it easier not to be.

I used to look forward to returning to SL after absences; I used to like missing it so I could come back with fresh ideas. But there was none of that this time. Over the last few days, as I’ve been feeling better, I’ve been trying to ease back in. Forcing myself to, but not really wanting to.

Which brings us to today’s surreal events.

In Second Life, I maintain several different accounts in different ways for different reasons. There are three I have paid for myself and others which I simply upkeep. I have access, at any given time, to dozens of accounts, but only a couple of them are “mine” so unless a friend asks me to, I don’t log into more than the one or two I need as a general rule.

My main (Salome) is a premium account and the one I do almost all my work on. My oldest “alt” which was established back when it was impossible to log into Salome and get anything done has also been a premium for about seven years. It’s a premium mostly for tier reasons and because I keep forgetting to change it before renewal. There are a handful of premium accounts I maintain for friends that they pay for (they like their avatars to look “up to date” in case they want to log in for a bit here and there). It’s like maintaining a website for someone. Every so often I buy a new skin, change the hair, or dress them in a new outfit. Sometimes I replace a few trees or swap out a skybox sofa.

There is one account that is different, and that’s the one I’ve maintained since the death of JTL. Prior to his passing, I had full access to the account and maintained it as I do for other friends, tidying up their inventories, decorating their in-world corners and keeping their avatars current.

There was a time when it was against TOS to allow someone else to log into your account, but now it is simply indicated as a responsibility of the account holder. There is no policy that would allow me to take over JTL’s account in the way I have done. At the time I didn’t care and I still don’t. I had had fun with him in this place and I wanted to go on maintaining that memory. I didn’t need a wall or a monument or anything of that nature. I had the ritual of upkeeping his avatar.

It’s hard to explain the difference in processing loss when a close friend takes their own life. No matter how you try to empathize with their choice, you feel the profound ache of that which was taken from you unfairly. You cannot really rank pain of losing someone against the method of how they were removed from you, but suicide is unique.

I have lost people to illness both sudden and prolonged. I have dealt with the defects of my own body. I’ve even lost family members and casual friends to their own hands. But the suicide of an intimate friend wasn’t something I’d experienced before and it was a wholly different kind of grief to manage. I know that some people grieve through anger but that’s never been a part of my process. I wanted to be angry and blame the people who I felt contributed most to his pain, but that feeling never took for long. Instead I’ve spent most of my anguish wondering if I could have helped in a way I didn’t see when it would have mattered. I cannot say I blame myself directly, or anyone else for that matter, but I have spent a lot of time wishing and replaying conversations and exchanges, wondering if I could I have done more. Part of that is arrogance and part of it is a rebellion against helplessness. It is arrogant to think I could have made the difference in the burdens of someone else’s demons. The alternative is that I never made a difference; never had a chance to help. I don’t spend a lot of time tearing myself apart wondering what could have been, except in the most heartbreaking moments. For the most part, I just allow myself to miss my friend and all that comes with those emotions.

It has been years and there are days I feel his loss as profoundly as if it were yesterday. Logically I understand he battled with his inner pain long before I knew him. Emotionally I don’t think I will ever stop questioning if I could have done something – anything to turn the tide and help keep him tethered to this world for even just a little bit longer. I don’t think that will ever change. I don’t think it should. The least I owe him is to question often what his life represented and what his loss means. Maintaining that pain is its own sort of ritual, and as deep as the sadness goes, it is part of the gift of having known someone worth missing so profoundly.

Maybe it’s the clarity that sometimes couples with intense emotional pain — the inability to endure stupid customs or inane hypocrisies that led me to my misstep today. I am usually, despite my cranky and bombastic facade, exceptionally good at navigating the games of human interaction. I recognize behaviors and blend with the natives; it was a skill I developed out of survival and tethered to my own nature. So can I assume the guise of whatever makes others comfortable up to a certain point and for a set amount of time. There’s only so much of yourself you can put on the shelf for so long. This is, in fact, the habit that contributes most to my tendency to be an isolationist. It’s exhausting. It mattered far more when I was younger and wanted to blend in. Now it is simply part of my heritage — the social grace that insists placing the care and comfort of others is more important than comfort of the self. As I get older, however, I have less patience for it. Why should I spend so much precious time and energy on people I barely care about? I should be saving all that energy for the people that matter most.

That last part probably felt like an odd tangent, but I’m tying it together.

Because I was ill, JTL’s account came up for its annual billing. He established an email specifically for his SL account and had given me the password, so I am able to do anything requiring that sort of confirmation. The email is forwarded to my account, so I’m the one that got the notice about a billing problem. And, because I’ve been the one paying for the account for the years since his loss, I’m able to easily verify anything to do with billing.

But when it comes to things like “mother’s maiden name” established at the time of account set-up, I don’t have it at the tip of my tongue. I could find it and I should have simply hung up the phone, pretended to disconnect, and called back when I had the information handy. I didn’t do that. The crafty little “play the game” person inside me should have recognized the situation and taken over. She didn’t. That, in itself, speaks volumes.

Some part of me, I think, resented that I even had to pick up the phone. Second Life billing support does not provide an email address. You have to call. So I found myself talking to some kid stuttering his way through Linden Lab’s incoherent billing policies, and something in me started to snap.

I was able to circumvent the “security” of mother’s maiden name with the last four digits of billing information. I was able to put in a ticket to move the account to a monthly billing plan (I really wanted to move it to a free account, but since I had missed the rebill date, there are a few things involving mainland group tier, etc I needed to arrange before I did that and so an extra paid month was going to be necessary). But, at some point, the awkward kid on the other end of the line began to lecture me about how it’s in Linden Lab’s Terms of Service that all information submitted at the time of account creation should be accurate. Exvept the word he used was “truthful.”

It would have been okay, I think, had he just been scolding me for my obvious lying (having a female voice tied to a male account name) but it felt like he was referring to the setting up of the account, and that was JTL, not me. The kid wasn’t — couldn’t have been implying what it emotionally felt like he was implying, but that’s the difference between reflection and “the moment.”

Up until that point I had been playing the game – pretending the account was mine and I just didn’t remember what information I’d provided. I tried to even say, in as friendly a voice I could muster, that I just didn’t care – what I needed was either possible or not. But, I’m sure due to training or whatever other force, the kid kept on. Maybe it was because the account was in a male name and my voice was so clearly feminine. I don’t know. But something just shook loose inside me and, despite the fact that this poor kid cannot possibly have understood what he was implying, there was something suddenly unbearable about the idea that JTL had lied when establishing his account. That JTL has been untruthful.

JTL never lied; he always used his real name. On message boards, regardless of whether the subject matter was hacking or mathematics or porn, in his personal blogging, when he established an account on conservapedia to edit articles with scientifically proven information — and, yes, even in Second Life where the majority of the user base is anonymous alts. You could have traced him back to 80′s BBSes, Usenet accounts, code in any of the languages he scripted in, and even comments on various consumer review pages or blogs. He always used his own identifiers that were always linked to his personal identity.

JTL had many faults, but he was always up front about the fact that you were dealing with him and his faults in whatever format you encountered him. He had no fear of being held accountable “IRL” for his actions or words. I admired that tremendously.

So I snapped and said words to the effect of: “At the time of account creation the information provided was truthful, but he’s dead and I have the account now. I’m the one paying for it, and I’ve been paying for it since he died.” I said it because if the kid had spoken one more thing about TOS and telling the truth when establishing an account I was going to summon creatures from the netherworld to steal his vocal cords.

I knew the minute I said it that it was a mistake, but somehow I just couldn’t make myself care. The kid started to mutter something about how he couldn’t do anything on the account now that I’d admitted it wasn’t mine — unless I got a death certificate. And that reached the end of my ability to deal. I think I chirped out something like “Fine, cancel the account and don’t get your money,” before hanging up.

The kid, of course, could care less about Linden Lab getting their money, I’m sure. But as it is the money and only the money that defines Linden Lab is anymore, it’s all I could think to say in disgust as I hung up filled with a sadness and disappointment I couldn’t (and still can’t fully) explain. It’s all I could think to say because the reality of the situation — the humanity of the situation — would never make a difference. Not to the company of Linden Lab. Not to the kid on the phone. There is no place for the reality and humanity of this situation in any rule book.

That is a sad and simple truth.

I didn’t yell or swear at him, but I wish I hadn’t hung up on the kid. On the off chance you know some kid who sounds about 20 years old and works for Linden Lab customer service, and he happens to mention he got hung up on, you can tell him the person who hung up on him wasn’t blaming him. I try to never get upset with service workers because the policies they have to abide by are not their fault. It’s like getting upset with a musical instrument because you don’t like the song being played upon it. At the same time, I hope the kid finds a better gig with a better company.

What’s strange is that I don’t question that I was in the wrong. I was circumventing TOS. Not for any sinister purpose, but clearly circumventing. I knew I had to play the game — the same way I’d been playing for years since JTL was lost. I just suddenly in one moment didn’t care about the ritual of maintaining his avatar as much as I cared about making it clear my friend had not lied when creating his account. That lying wasn’t who he had been. And so, that moment of honesty has consequences. Small ones compared to the loss of losing him, but consequences nonetheless. If the account does actually get canceled, I simply won’t be able to log in anymore, change the outfit, update the skin, or pretend that I’m maintaining that virtual doll for a person who no longer exists. Maybe that’s not even a bad thing.

Some people go to a memorial stone and place flowers because they think the dead watch over them. I do not believe that. I’m not sure if life passes into spiritual form or another dimension of energy when it ceases to be here, but I like to think they have better things to do than hang out here and watch us. Still, I maintain my own little rituals; not because I think they’re watching, but because rituals are comforting. I am a sentimentalist. I have trinkets in my home that I keep in places of pride. I touch them, clean them, remember those who gave them to me, I remember they also touched these things and think about how time is an odd way to measure a life.

Logging into JTL’s avatar was sometimes a utility (having a male avatar to test things on) but for a long time it was also a small ritual of remembrance. I suddenly find it’s no longer something I need. Not at the cost of going through motions he would have resented in life. Not at the cost of giving another inch to a company I can’t stand in the name of someone I dearly loved. Playing the game for Linden Lab isn’t worth it. Not to me. Not anymore.

I feel less and less interested in Second Life and more and more revulsion toward Linden Lab that it now manifests in things I can’t even blame them for. It’s the accumulated disgust over everything from the overpricing of their badly maintained and scandalously under supported product to their complete betrayal of their founding beliefs and abusing the good faith of their once robust and engaged user base. I have nothing but annoyance for the mediocrity of most of the petty subcultures that permeate, including what is now the nasty, rotted out core of that which defines the virtual fashion community. I cringe every time I get an offline message or email directing me to the latest “have you seen this” bit of uselessness that is NWN or SLU or one of the other outlets that do nothing but struggle for the attention of an indifferent audience until only the voices of the extreme are drawn to drink. I’m exhausted every time I’m assaulted with the images of feckless, self-promoting whores that contribute nothing but furthering their own insecure brands; and the bewilderment that comes with wondering how they came to represent this format. Exhausted, detached, revolted — these are not things I enjoy feeling — are not things it is in my nature to harvest, but they compose the majority of my feelings toward Second Life and the majority of its residents these days.

What I cannot escape is that I am no longer a part of this place and no longer have any wish to be. What keeps me here is wholly within myself and within those precious few who are worth investing into. The rest is just noise and ghosts, and I am tired of being haunted by what could be and should be.

It is not Linden Lab’s fault that my friend took his own life. They had nothing to do with it. It is not their fault that they need to have a corporate policy in place to address ownership of accounts regarding deceased members. It is certainly not the fault of the poor kid on the phone that he touched a nerve. I don’t lay any of that at the feet of Linden Lab or some poor CSR.

But it’s not my fault that when I look at Second Life, I no longer see anything worth maintaining illusions for. I no longer see anything but ritual in place of what has been lost. And I no longer care when parts of those elements get further lost. It is their fault that I don’t care and that they have decided to chase after other revenue streams they are clearly not qualified to catch instead of investing in the one thing — the only thing that they possess that can boast unique value.

It offends me that someone would squander such potential. Offends. That’s the only way to express it.

Yes, Second Life has always been an empty shell, but it was once filled with the creativity and hope of a diverse and healthy user base. An invested user base. It wasn’t a perfect place and it wasn’t a shiny happy place, but it offered tools and spaces that were worth building into and it cultivated people who had lots to offer besides empty-headed consumption. It offered possibility and purpose. Little by little, and sometimes in big patches, the shell has been mismanaged to the point where it is now impractical and, honestly, dank. It makes me feel like a hermit crab wearing a tuna can. It’s nothing except something cheap to wear until something better comes along.

Except it’s not cheap. It’s expensive. Beyond its use; beyond its worth. It is just out to suck as much as it can until there is nothing left to suck. I have little interest in lending my marrow to the pot.

It’s not that I’m “leaving” so much as I’m already gone, and I think I possibly have been for quite some time. I suppose I feel a little foolish for being here at all. But I’m a sentimentalist and there are still some tokens here I wish to touch.

So this is not to say that I am leaving. I will still visit and create and go through the motions of playing at being a resident ghost in this particular shell. But I no longer care if it all disappears. It’s no longer even worth lying for. That should be funny. Maybe it will be tomorrow.

It really is a shame. At some point there were things worth championing in this space. Now, it’s just another board that’s all about playing the game. And no one seems to be playing the same one.

Posted in Inner Space, SL - Social Dysfunction | 6 Comments

The News Today

“The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels tonight. They’re our students and our teachers and our parents and our friends. The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels…” ~ Martin Sheen as President Josiah Bartlet in The West Wing Season 4, Episode 1 “20 Hours in America” (via Aaron Sorkin, Debora Cahn, David Gerken, David Handelman, William Sind, & Paula Yoo)

Posted in RL, RL - Social Dysfunction | Leave a comment

I Have To Tell You Something: For The Birds

Grace & Salome: I Have To Tell You Something
Episode Fourteen: For the Birds

In this episode Grace and I talk about 1800′s era simulated birdsong devices and Grace’s unwillingness to accept the current state of modern society’s fake birdiness.

I Have To Tell You Something Logo


(Link for Non-Flash Peoples)

Episode Notes:
1. I maintain there is a difference between wanting $5 million and wanting to temporarily possess something valued at $5 million.
2. This is the 1890 birdsong automata I am referring to by saying “the steampunky mechanical thing.”
3. 1820 Singing Bird Pistols. WANT.
4. I wasn’t comparing automata to mp3s. Just the functionality.
5. Clara from The Guild becomes enamored with Steampunk “clocky windy stuff” in episode 4 of Season 5.
6. “The functionality of the bird’s variegated song” was in my head, but the lips were not communicating with the brain. The problem was not pronunciation, but filtering. Again. This is different from someone not being able to properly pronounce simple spices.
7. Perfect Polly. Okay, yes, humanity has survived things like Big Mouth Billy Bass. It doesn’t bother me that Perfect Polly exists. What bothers me are the commercials pretending like it’s a great alternative to a real bird and not the god awful painted plastic waste of money that vision reveals it to be. Are they marketing to the visually impaired? I don’t understand. And that fascinates me. The scenes of actors pretending to pet it and treat it like a pet are brilliant in a horrible, horrible way.
8. I have suggested Perfect Polly for previous podcasts. It became clear Grace had a mental block. Sometimes podcasts are therapeutic.
9. I am very convincing. Also, saying “please” in a Southern accent goes a long way.

More About The Series

Posted in I Have To Tell You Something | 1 Comment