“Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents” ~ Peter Mere Latham

For the last week or so, I’ve been struggling against a late-Summer bug. It started as a minor cold, but then picked up steam and has been knocking me out with fevers and chills for the last few days. One of the odd things about running fevers for me is the fever dreams I get grow wickedly intense. Sometimes they are even so vivid that I have trouble distinguishing if they are memories or simply the work of my dreamspace masquerading as memory. A couple days ago, I had a fever dream snippet that was so clear it felt like it just had to be a memory. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and it sparked the following conversation:

Salome: I need to ask you about something, just to make sure my dreaming mind isn’t faking a memory.
SFSHS: k
Salome: Do you remember when we used to stay up to all hours at your house playing MULE?
SFSHS: yeah
Salome: Do you remember another game, sort of like operating?
SFSHS: like where you have to remove the funny bone without touching the bzzz
Salome: No. This was like a screen and tools to click on and you had to apply anesthetic and make an incision and remove an appendix.
SFSHS: not ringing any bells…was I baked
Salome: I don’t think so.
SFSHS: there’s your first indication it may have been just a dream
Salome: This was back in high school
SFSHS: oh…so we weren’t baked…but it’s not familiar
Salome: This was very vivid and felt totally nostalgic. It was you and me and Jon, and we were pissed because we couldn’t find the manual and the patient kept dying. One of the first times Jon cut without applying anesthetic and the computer let out this blood-curdling scream becase we tried to cut into the patient while he was still awake. The scream woke up your Dad who came out to yell at us to keep it down.
SFSHS: oh shit
Salome: What?
SFSHS: I totally remember that
Salome: SEE!
SFSHS: yeah, I remember that now
Salome: WHAT was the name of the game?
SFSHS: you’ve got to be fucking kidding…I didn’t even remember any of this until twenty seconds ago…and I’m baked
Salome: This is going to make me nuts. I can’t find it. How many late 80s operating games could there have been?
SFSHS: man, I loved mule…did they ever update that? why isn’t there like mule 2010?
Salome: Don’t get me started, I can’t even find a halfway decent emulator for it. I barely remember how to play it, I just remember loving it.
SFSHS: now I REALLY want to play mule…I so hate you
Salome: I REALLY want to know the name of the operation game
SFSHS: hold on
Salome: You can’t Google it — operation and game returns so much crap it’s unbearable, you might as well try and Google the lyrics to Free songs.
SFSHS: fuck that…Jon remembers everything
SFSHS: he says try life and leath
Salome: You called him?
SFSHS: yeah
Salome: WENCH! It’s like 2am!
SFSHS: whatever… google life n death
Salome: Holy hell
SFSHS: find it?
Salome: YES!
SFSHS: he totally remembers us waking up my Dad with the computer screaming too…also he says your crazy and hi
Salome: Tell him I’m sorry you woke him up but now my brain is happy
SFSHS: he is happy your brain is happy
Salome: That dream was so real but I couldn’t find the game and it was making me crazy
SFSHS: fuck that, go find me a way to kick your ass at mule…I WANT IT
Salome: You’re baked, you’ll forget this conversation in half an hour
SFSHS: mule and doritos…I need them…go fetch
Salome: Logging out now and crawling back to bed
SFSHS: noooooooooooooooooooooooo get me mule!!!!
Salome: lurves you

If anyone cares:
SFSHS = Salome’s Friend Since High School
Jon = her cousin (who often played video games and AD&D with us)
MULE’s Wiki Page
Life and Death’s Wiki Page

“There is luxury in self reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel no one else has a right to blame us.” ~ Oscar Wilde

For those of you unfamiliar with Sondheim’s Into the Woods, there is a sequence where all the fairy tale characters in their make-believe world begin to blame each other for the tragedy of their current situation, which came about through a series of events and misadventures rooted in desire, foolishness, greed, innocence, innocence lost, guilt, vanity, unresolved issues, and lots of other human failings. It has been foremost in my mind while checking in on the Emerald issue.

If you’re not aware of the Emerald situation, a good-enough summary can be found HERE. For me, this summary is a bit too petting toward the Emerald team, but, well, there’s a lot of that going around. My chain of events goes like this:

A. Linden Lab failed to update their product in a way that met the needs of their user base.
B. A talented, but irresponsible segment of the user base created a third-party project for reasons unknown. This project became known as the Emerald Viewer.
C. Lots of people began to use Emerald, as it provided an improved user experience; few of these people knew anything about the team that created and maintained the project.
D. Questions began to arise regarding the reputation and integrity of the Emerald team and their motivations.
E. Despite there being lots of blogs and “news” about Emerald, no one in the blogosphere bothered to ask some point-blank “on the record” questions to the team (I personally sent two emails attempting to get an interview out of sheer frustration. They were never responded to, but then I don’t pretend to be a reporter or a talk show host so I’m sure I was easily ignored).
F. Despite there being no statement of ethics, obvious untruths in their blog posts, and several other low-grade warning signs, people with credibility spoke in support of Emerald and made it clear it was their viewer of choice.
G. The inevitable happened and a member (or members) of the Emerald team abused the trust of their users in a griefer prank. The prank, while not in itself very interesting or damaging, demonstrates a flagrant disregard for ethics, a lack of basic integrity and employed tactics which engaged an unwitting user base in ridiculously childish (and potentially criminal) behavior.
H. An Emerald team member that few people know from Adam posted an “I’ll fall on my sword even though I really don’t think I did anything wrong” non-apology apology; another Emerald member that few people know from Eve said she was stepping up to the plate to get everything under control. Then didn’t. Feel free to read the Emerald blog for more accurate step by step on this part.
I. Rabble, Rabble, Rabble.
J. Linden Lab issued their mock-outrage “we’ve taken care of this” farce statement while dogs and cats began living together (mass hysteria).
K. People began to issue “aww shucks, they’re just confused kids” type excuses for Emerald’s antics, others posted “we think it’s wrong, but everyone’s being so mean” type excuses, and others went the “they’re all a bunch of Nazis” direction. Because, you know, that’s how the interwebs work.
L. Linden Lab continues to fail to update their product in a way that meets the needs of their user base.

There is not enough facepalm in the world. Seriously.

The problem I have with this situation is that some people I like are on the insanely wrong side of this issue, and some people I find disgustingly vile are on the right side. So it’s frustrating. It’s like when you have to admit that the KKK is entitled to free speech. Yeah, it’s right, bt it makes you feel like you need a bath.

Yet, between all the hate-fueled “I told you so” mocking and the Eeyore “you guys are so mean” pouting, there is very little learning going on. It’s enough to make me climb a bell tower and take a hostage. Why? Because there are lessons here that are getting missed in the exchange and they are THE SAME FUCKING THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN GETTING MISSED ALL ALONG.

So, for next time, can we please review:

1. Linden Lab is not releasing a product that services the needs of their users. The buck stops there. If this isn’t where your bottom line on this issue rests, then you’re getting it wrong. Period.
2. If you think it’s shocking that some of the code monkeys working on Emerald had grief-genes, you’re an idiot. I assure you, every product on your computer right now likely had griefers or ex-griefers working on it. They just weren’t in charge, weren’t given a lot of power, or were good enough not to get caught. Save your outrage for the next episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey or something.
3. Third Party Viewers are a valuable tool, but they need to be investigated and held to task. Their project managers need to be interviewed and asked hard questions in a civil, responsible way — preferably by the people who claim to be delivering news to our community. If the names don’t mean anything to the average consumer, their reputation and integrity (or lack thereof) within the community needs to be made clear by anyone advocating the product.
4. When warning signs appear and then begin flashing in neon, YOU PAY ATTENTION and don’t just hem and haw and hope it all gets better. You certainly DO NOT put your name and/or reputation behind the mess unless you’re damn sure you’re right.
5. An active griefer is not going to behave just because you like them. Just because they haven’t griefed *you* doesn’t mean you can trust them not to behave like an idiot. Are griefers evil? No. Sometimes they’re even useful in a social way. But they’re generally irresponsible, juvenile and reckless on the fly. These are not the people you want in unchecked positions of responsibly in any format or project. You just don’t let an alcoholic tend bar, ffs.
6. You cannot cry about being deceived if you never did anything to educate yourself as a consumer. If you didn’t know about the Emerald team and used their product anyway, then just shut up and switch to Imprudence with the rest of us. Your right to bitch is exactly zero. Oh, and while you’re at it, check into the Imprudence team — don’t just switch to them blindly.

In the meantime, welcome to one of the big reasons the Second Life community continues to be bad-mouthed in technical and professional circles. When “he’s kind of a friend and I don’t think he’ll do anything bad” trumps obvious warning bells, when consumers bitch and moan but don’t educate themselves on their choices or advocate for their needs, when bloggers and journalists self-promote but don’t even try to get answers to hard questions, when “Ha ha ha you got what you deserved and I hope you all die” counts as a valid part of the general discourse — well, how can you take them seriously?

I’d really like it if we didn’t drive this self-hating cycle into the next race on the same tack. Pretty please? With sugar on top?

So stop crying “poor me,” quit making excuses for fuck-ups, back off blaming the branches and learn to identify the roots of a problem, refrain from engaging the hate-mongers, advocate and educate and just LEARN FROM THE FUCKING MISTAKES ALREADY so we don’t end up back in this same place. Ever. Again.

That is all.

“We were able to convince both Dylan’s management and Sony BMG that this was a perfect project for us. . . . We think (they’ve) done a terrific job of doing a total Bob Dylan promotion. It will be a win-win for everybody involved.” ~ Ken Lombard

Sony YouTube Fail

Okay. Let’s forget the fact that I paid for this song already. On vinyl. On cassette. On CD. Let’s forget the fact that it’s sitting on my living room shelves in two of those three forms and I’m sure the CD is somewhere in a box. Let’s forget that if I wanted to, I could go download it from any number of Chinese sites for free (oh, the blessed irony) without so much as a blip of protest.

IT WAS A BOOTLEG FROM SOMEONE’S PHONE DURING AN IMPROMPTU MOMENT THAT ONLY MATTERS TO FANS. It was shoddy audio, jerky and badly lit. Most people would likely have had a hard time realizing who it was or what song he was singing. Your chance of marketing this in a box set of anything was ten degrees less than nil.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is wrong with you people? How long are you relics going to keep alienating consumers? Get with the friggin’ program.

Whatever the equal is of the ten plagues of Egypt in corporate form, can we please get that started on these boneheads? Let mai Dylan bootleg GO!

(And, yes, you know I’m annoyed when I’m wishing frogs to rain down on people)

“Your theory is crazy, but it’s not crazy enough to be true.” ~ Bertolt Brecht

Recently, I violated one of my own rules: I fed crazy. When I experience these moments of weakness, it is generally because I maintain the belief that when crazy speaks in lies and factual untruth you are sometimes obligated to correct the record just to make sure that someone is keeping track of reality; otherwise you end up with someone like Sarah Palin running on a national ticket. At the very least, I try to make crazy reveal its “reasoning” so that the discrepancies between their delusions and factual reality are comparable to any third party observers.

The problem becomes that if you’re going to engage crazy, it has to a lesser minion of crazy and not a full-blown Beelzebub manifestation. There has to be a bottom of the barrel. If you’re dealing with the type of crazy that will simply toss aside the barrel and start to dig in the dirt, you will never make a dent. That kind of crazy begins with its home-brewed thesis, absent facts or reality, and will then squat upon its position and nest around it with the sort of paranoid make-believe that even Don Quixote’s windmill couldn’t begin to compete against. Then crazy will simply bask in the validation it gets by from the ensuing attention. In these cases, crazy will frequently be proud of its own ignorance, and/or lack of civility.

I’m from the South; I know this stuff, and yet I still forgot the first rule.

Do not feed crazy. There is no winning, there are just different flavors of losing. Mine tasted like mushy, overcooked peas. Eww.

On the plus side, I did get to replaces some of my mp3s out of the experience:

Friend: What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Doing?
Salome: Huh?
Friend: What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Doing?
Salome: Oh, it was a weak moment.
Friend: Dude…
Salome: I was unfairly tempted to try and address insanity with reality.
Friend: Back away. Do not make eye contact. Just keep saying “nice doggie” and find a rock.
Salome: But…
Friend: You cannot win against crazy. Crazy always wins.
Salome: But…
Friend: What is the first rule?
Salome: I know, I know. I know. But facts matter!
Friend: First rule?
Salome: I know, but seriously, there is wrong and then there is WRONG.
Friend: FIRST RULE
Salome: Do not feed crazy.
Friend: And what did you do?
Salome: I fed the crazy.
Friend: You fed the crazy.
Salome: But she is wrong! Like more wrong than normal! Demonstrably wrong!
Friend: What is the first rule?
Salome: You understand I’m not trying to debate the opinion stuff — I know there’s no breaking that, but I’m not talking about the paranoid opinion parts. I’m talking about the true verses not true. It’s basic. Some things happened or didn’t happen. Some things exist or don’t exist. Many of the things she’s saying DO NOT EXIST and NEVER HAPPENED.
Friend: First rule?
Salome: Do not feed crazy.
Friend: That’s right. know why? Because you cannot win against crazy. Crazy always wins.
Salome: Fuck you, yoda.
Friend: Now begin to understand you do.
Salome: Lecture by muppet. Faboo
Friend: Today’s lesson has been brought to you by the letters WTF and the number eight.
Salome: Why eight?
Friend: Because eight is just a circle that turns around inside itself and when you place it on its side it becomes a symbol representing infinity. Like the infinite loop of hell you’ve walked into.
Salome: Wow. Were you holding onto that one this whole time?
Friend: It’s why I IMed you in the first place.
Salome: I hope it was worth it because now you have to email me all your SHR mp3s. I lost them in the hd fiasco.
Friend: Do you promise not to feed crazy again?
Salome: Yes.
Friend: Origs or TMBGs?
Salome: Yes, please
Friend: Greedy!
Salome: It’s part of my charm.

Always gets a replay
Never tilts at all
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball
~ Pete Townshend’s “Pinball Wizard”

(The Who begins to play at the Superbowl halftime show)

Mother: Okay, which ones are these guys again?
Me: The Who.
Mother: And what do they play?
Me: Well, this song is Baba O’Riley, although most people think it’s called teenage wasteland.
Mother: What do they play that I would know?

(brief pause)

Me: You know this one. It’s the theme song for CSI New York. Who songs are used for all the CSI theme songs.
Mother: Even my favorite?
Me: Sadly, yes.
Mother: They do all of them?
Me: Yes.
Mother: Wow, I wonder how they got them to do all three?
Me: The songs were hits before they were used for the shows, Mom.
Mother: They were? When?
Me: 70′s.
Mother: They weren’t written for the shows?
Me: No.

(A few songs play – including an excerpt from “See Me, Feel Me”)

Me: Oh! You might have seen Tommy. That was all songs by The Who.
Mother: What was that?
Me: A musical with Ann-Margaret.
Mother: Like Bye Bye Birdie?
Me: No, Mom, it was called Tommy.
Mother: And who was in it?
Me: Ann-Margaret, Tina Turner, Jack Nicholson, the guys from The Who…
Mother: Ann-Margaret and Jack Nicholson?
Me: Yes.
Mother: And it was a musical?
Me: Yes.
Mother: When was it?
Me: Mid ’70s.
Mother: Really? Wow. I don’t remember it.
Me: You were too busy dragging me to Barry Manilow concerts against my will.
Mother: It wasn’t against your will, you loved them.
Me: You have no proof of that. I maintain I was forced.
Mother: You still know all the lyrics.
Me: Yes, that’s why I couldn’t learn math – there were Barry Manilow lyrics taking up room in my head. I hope you’re happy you kept me from being a math genius.
Mother: Your Dad made you listen to Bob Dylan and his songs are way longer.
Me: Don’t try to confuse the issue with your fuzzy logic. You’re why I don’t know math.

(Half-time show ends)

Mother: That wasn’t so bad. I really do like musicals. I wonder why I didn’t see that one.
Me: It had good music in it?
Mother: Ha. Ha. Who else was in it?
Me: Elton John.
Mother: Is that the one where he’s in the really big shoes?
Me: Yes!
Mother: Oh, I did see that, then.
Me: I am so impressed.
Mother: I think your Dad took me to see that at the old Tropicaire drive-in.
Me: You remember where you saw it, but all you remember about the movie is Elton John in big shoes?
Mother: We weren’t really watching the movie.
Me: What were you…oh jeez, TOO MUCH information!!
Mother: Come to think of it that might have been when your brother was…
Me: Waaaaaaaaaaay too much information! Way! Too! Much!