Attn MMORPGs: Gimme What I Want
“Ugh I hate Thunder Bluff! You can’t find a good burger anywhere.” ~ Blood Elf Female
My chronic boredom with WOW and the bitter disappointment that was Aion has led me to ponder exactly what *I* want from an MMORPG and how that measures up against what the market can offer.
(Disclaimer: Much of this is WOW-centric. It’s not my fault they currently define the market.)
What I want:
1. RP. First and foremost, I want to RP. Although many MMORPGS claim to offer RP, I’ve never realized it in the same way online as I did in my teens sitting around a table with a bunch of friends fondling geometrical dice, calculating ThAC0s and arguing over how much the light of the torches in the tunnels would affect my drow fighter/priest’s vision. In theory, online play should get rid of all the stupid calculation stuff and just let us RP, but RP is little and far between.
2. Pee Vee Pee. I want to pew pew against other *thinking* beings in a way that isn’t held hostage by who has the better gear, who can hack macros better or who has the OP class this week. I don’t mind a little bit of luck, but it shouldn’t be the deciding factor. Real PVP should be mentally challenging as well as battle strategic. I want Warsong Gulch meets Risk meets Stratego. I want to stand the same chance going up against the worst player in the game as I do going up against the best. I want a pvp system that doesn’t reward losers who sit in BGs all day or OP classes with one-two-three-dead macros more than players with actual gaming skills. I don’t want to have to respec for 1-on-1 and group pvp. I want anyone that afks in a BG to get a 2 hour no-more-bg-for-you debuff. I want a pvp system in the same game as the rest of the content I want to play everything else in (Sorry, Warhammer you just suck so much for EVERYTHING else).
3. PvE on My Own Terms. If I’m in the mood to pve I don’t want to spend all my time getting griefed and annoyed by every thirteen year old asshat that just jerked off to the latest 4chan uploads. I want to have the freedom to play the game I’m paying for the way I want to play it without being shuffled off to the Hello Kitty Island Adventure servers. I want a fuck-off mode that tells campers to go find something else to do with their time. I want non-combat NPCs to be alive when I need them to be alive. I don’t mind competing for mobs, but I don’t want to be at the mercy of stupid farmers when I need mobs for mats and quests. I want any character that kills a character 10 levels below theirs to get a “stupid chicken” buff that turns them into a level 1 critter and doesn’t wear off for an hour. I don’t care if you’re on a pvp server, killing lowbies is lame.
4. No. Fucking. Grinding. Yes, I know that technically questing is grinding, but I need that illusion to maintain my false sense of achievement. So I’d rather have quests disguised as grinding rather than just mindless “kill 100 boars” grinding.
5. Original Approaches to Questing. While I’m at it, I want quests that aren’t always the same variations on the same things or thinly veiled grinding in the guise of lore.
6. Minimize Mini-Games. I picked my character and class for a reason, stop taking away all my skills and abilities in favor of a new set of stupid buttons that don’t interest me. I’m glad you got that Atari emulator running and all, but that doesn’t mean you need to inflict your retrofix onto my gameplay.
7. Interesting Crafting. Skill up, farm mats. Skill up, farm mats. Skill up, farm mats, wait for cooldowns. There has got to be a better way to build this mousetrap. I actually *like* crafting when the game isn’t making me hate it.
8. Privacy. I don’t want that creepy guy from that last pug to know when I’m signing on, but I also don’t want to ignore him because he’s in that guild with those other people I sometimes group with and that leads to uncomfortable situations. I want to control my own privacy in any social format; appear offline when I want. How is this not basic?
9. To See Content. Your designers just spent a year and a half on the latest dungeon so that 1% of the game population can see it. Does that sound logical to you? Allow passive modes for dungeons and high-end content so that guilds can bring non-combat observers to educate the newbies, or even just so I can go in and have a look without 40 other screaming idiots.
10. Non-Guild Progression Options. Would it kill you to have non-dungeon progression that would allow us to get access to high-level gear without guilds, banging our heads in the same BGs over and over and over, or farming until our eyes bleed? Make it challenging. Make it something we have to work for. Just don’t make it boring and stupid. Oh, and if you’re worried that gear is the only reason anyone will run dungeons…well maybe you should THINK ABOUT THAT.
11. Avatar Customization. Aion got this right. I want dozes of sliders and vanity options. I want to dye my robes to match my shoes.
12. Priests That Don’t Scream “Please Rape Me.” Okay, I’m going to be specific. This is about the priest class in WOW more than anything else. I want a healing class that isn’t useless in 1-on-1 pvp. I don’t want to choose between being a target or being effective. I don’t want to be a watered down warlock or a very pretty corpse. Let me heal effectively and by all means make it challenging, but then give me tools to protect my ass and don’t take them away a week later. Make it so that coming after the priest is at least KIND OF a challenge. Druids shapeshift. Pallys stun IN PLATE. One fear every 30 seconds and shields that disappear after 1 high-level hit aren’t cutting it. I don’t want to have to rely on other people for my dps or my defense — especially when other healing classes are just as healing effective with better dps/defense tools. Have you TRIED to kill a restro druid? WTF.
Realistically:
1. This is likely something game developers cannot influence, although they could put some effort into creating formats that encourage and/or allow this for those of us who want it. Navigating through strangers who are too creepy or too mental or too bad at RP is an individual issue that no amount of game filters can help with. I can also see the challenges this presents for communities that mingle adults and teen populations.
2. This just shouldn’t be that hard. Do this already.
3. See above.
4. Skill up ur cre8iviT dudz.
5. See above.
6. Just cut this crap out entirely.
7. I don’t see why this isn’t a reasonable expectation.
8 - 11. See above.
12. See above, only louder. WHY is this a dream that never comes true?


















