“Your theory is crazy, but it’s not crazy enough to be true.” ~ Bertolt Brecht

Recently, I violated one of my own rules: I fed crazy. When I experience these moments of weakness, it is generally because I maintain the belief that when crazy speaks in lies and factual untruth you are sometimes obligated to correct the record just to make sure that someone is keeping track of reality; otherwise you end up with someone like Sarah Palin running on a national ticket. At the very least, I try to make crazy reveal its “reasoning” so that the discrepancies between their delusions and factual reality are comparable to any third party observers.

The problem becomes that if you’re going to engage crazy, it has to a lesser minion of crazy and not a full-blown Beelzebub manifestation. There has to be a bottom of the barrel. If you’re dealing with the type of crazy that will simply toss aside the barrel and start to dig in the dirt, you will never make a dent. That kind of crazy begins with its home-brewed thesis, absent facts or reality, and will then squat upon its position and nest around it with the sort of paranoid make-believe that even Don Quixote’s windmill couldn’t begin to compete against. Then crazy will simply bask in the validation it gets by from the ensuing attention. In these cases, crazy will frequently be proud of its own ignorance, and/or lack of civility.

I’m from the South; I know this stuff, and yet I still forgot the first rule.

Do not feed crazy. There is no winning, there are just different flavors of losing. Mine tasted like mushy, overcooked peas. Eww.

On the plus side, I did get to replaces some of my mp3s out of the experience:

Friend: What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Doing?
Salome: Huh?
Friend: What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Doing?
Salome: Oh, it was a weak moment.
Friend: Dude…
Salome: I was unfairly tempted to try and address insanity with reality.
Friend: Back away. Do not make eye contact. Just keep saying “nice doggie” and find a rock.
Salome: But…
Friend: You cannot win against crazy. Crazy always wins.
Salome: But…
Friend: What is the first rule?
Salome: I know, I know. I know. But facts matter!
Friend: First rule?
Salome: I know, but seriously, there is wrong and then there is WRONG.
Friend: FIRST RULE
Salome: Do not feed crazy.
Friend: And what did you do?
Salome: I fed the crazy.
Friend: You fed the crazy.
Salome: But she is wrong! Like more wrong than normal! Demonstrably wrong!
Friend: What is the first rule?
Salome: You understand I’m not trying to debate the opinion stuff — I know there’s no breaking that, but I’m not talking about the paranoid opinion parts. I’m talking about the true verses not true. It’s basic. Some things happened or didn’t happen. Some things exist or don’t exist. Many of the things she’s saying DO NOT EXIST and NEVER HAPPENED.
Friend: First rule?
Salome: Do not feed crazy.
Friend: That’s right. know why? Because you cannot win against crazy. Crazy always wins.
Salome: Fuck you, yoda.
Friend: Now begin to understand you do.
Salome: Lecture by muppet. Faboo
Friend: Today’s lesson has been brought to you by the letters WTF and the number eight.
Salome: Why eight?
Friend: Because eight is just a circle that turns around inside itself and when you place it on its side it becomes a symbol representing infinity. Like the infinite loop of hell you’ve walked into.
Salome: Wow. Were you holding onto that one this whole time?
Friend: It’s why I IMed you in the first place.
Salome: I hope it was worth it because now you have to email me all your SHR mp3s. I lost them in the hd fiasco.
Friend: Do you promise not to feed crazy again?
Salome: Yes.
Friend: Origs or TMBGs?
Salome: Yes, please
Friend: Greedy!
Salome: It’s part of my charm.