“Beware of the door with too many keys.” ~ Portuguese Proverb

I haven’t been playing my WOW account much lately, but my friends have been using my priest when they need PvE heals. They have also been looting my bank for crafting mats. They had permission, but I admit, I didn’t think they could go through 20 stacks of lichbloom in just a few weeks. They designated a representative from their chapter of Herbwhores, Anon. and he called recently. After confession, I had roughly the following conversation:

Anon. Herbwhore 01: Oh, and I remapped your action bars.
Me: Why?
Anon. Herbwhore 01: I’m not sure how the hell you had them set up, but I needed to assign hotkeys better.
Me: Oh, I never use hotkeys.

(long pause)

Anon. Herbwhore 01: I don’t understand.
Me: I don’t use hotkeys. I just cast.
Anon. Herbwhore 01: Cast how?
Me: I click on the spell icon, duh.
Anon. Herbwhore 01: Then how do you target?
Me: I click on the target.
Anon. Herbwhore 01: Wait. You use the mouse to select target and then you use the mouse to cast?
Me: Yes.
Anon. Herbwhore 01: That’s twice as much… (long pause) …how in the fuck do you heal so fast?
Me: I’m epic, Beavis.
Anon. Herbwhore 01: This is why no one wants to raid with girls.

Interestingly, in a completely unrelated conversation I had today:

Friend: …a 5-button mouse.
Me: Mice have five buttons?

(long pause)

Friend: Yes.
Me: So like, left, right, wheel. What are the other two buttons for?
Friend: Page Forward, Page Back for one.
Me: I just click the Page Forward and Page Back buttons.
Friend: Wait. You don’t use hotkeys or the bottom mouse buttons?
Me: No. I just left-click.

(long pause)

In possibly related news: my left-mouse button appears to be broken and is double-clicking when it should only single-click.

Coincidence?

“…no conclusions should be drawn from this because all tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into ‘Best of Queen’ albums…” ~ Neil Gaiman (or possibly that Pratchett bloke), Good Omens

I finally get the blog bug back after months of hiatus *and* get this site looking somewhat close to how I want it and now I’m miserable with fever. I swear I have the immune system of a give-away goldfish.

Gimme a W! Gimme a T! Gimme a F!

(I see you looming out there, Ides of March – just keep your Caesar-stabbity paws at bay. There will be no bad juju allowed, iambic pentameter or no.)

“Only cowards insult dying majesty.” ~ Aesop

Penn Jillette tweets:

On the upcoming “Theme Time Radio Hour” Bob Dylan calls me “The Garfunkle of Penn & Teller” and I tell him to tighten up his sphincter.

Not only does he dare talk back to my beloved Mr. Zimmerman, but he disses Art with what has to be the most common typo in all of American folk-rock. How does one go about giving whatfor to an illusionist that failed at Dancing with the Stars?

Hmmm. Maybe that is punishment enough. Besides, I think Bob can totally take him.

“Wild horses couldn’t drag me away.” ~ Mick and Keith

It is just what I say it is. Only funnier. Click photo, follow link, enjoy the funny.

Babershop Beatbox Horses - Seriously

“What’s here? the portrait of a blinking idiot, Presenting me a schedule!” ~ William Shakespeare, The Merchant Of Venice

Fair warning: When I talk about WOW I swear. No, I mean more than usual.

So, I’m humbly scanning the patch notes for the upcoming 3.1 because I’d heard good things were in store for priests like moi. And, yes, there are a couple of nice perks – nothing OP, but okay buffage here and there. It’s mostly PvE which doesn’t jazz me very much since the carebear force does not run strong with me.

Then I realized this:
Hymn of Hope: This spell has been removed.

And this:
Reflective Shield:This talent has been removed.

Now, I understand that wanting to play a priest in WOW means I’ve obviously been slotted to suffer, but it would be nice if the “we have no idea how to make healers fun to play” asshats at Blizz could at least pretend to use lube when they fuck me. Buy me a drink. Take me to a show. Use hand puppets. Don’t just leave me on the stand with my dolly trying to illustrate how the bad game architects touched my no-no place.

Was the 50% damage reflected by my shield absorption really so much to ask for? So a rogue has to take 1k or so damage while he’s keeping me stun-locked and stabbing my HP down to nothing. That needed to be removed? Seriously? FFS, you made it high enough on the talent tree that it wasn’t like it didn’t come with sacrifice. You understand armor that hits back on a cloth wearer isn’t going to keep me from dying – it’s just going to make it a little easier to kill the guy that got me down. It’s not like I’m healing in plate (…or mail…or leather…), you morons. What, exactly do you think keeps me up? Fairy dust?

As for Hymn, I suppose allowing me to give my party back some mana was undeserved? WTF? Are you taking away mana totems from shammies, too? You know – the ones that heal in mail!

I have the armor of a gnat and any number of classes with stuns and silences can keep me from casting an instant spell and rape away half my life in two seconds — where is my added protection from that you colossal jerkwater wastes of oxygen molecules?

You’re going to remove two of the miserably minor abilities that lend the opportunities to defend myself long enough to get a spell or two off and restore a sliver of mana to the people keeping my squishy ass from getting pounded in exchange for stacking buffs that work if I can get a spell off and if I follow the 1-2-3 boredom of PvE lather-rinse-repeat casting protocol?

You do understand there is PvP in the game you created, right? That some of us like it – even prefer it – and when you nerf or totally fucking remove a PvP talent/spell it doesn’t get replaced just because you buffed a piddling PvE talent/spell. Someone in the backroom can grasp this math, surely. Will you fish the ball gag out of his mouth at the next romper room meeting, please?

Dear Blizzard: You are blinking fucking idiots, and I have to go invent new words to explain how much you need to be slapped right now. Remind me why I’m giving you money every month for this?

*bangs head on desk*